Skin deep
A personal perspective
“We may have different religions, different languages, different coloured skin,
but we all belong to one human race” – Kofi Annan
My mother in law was Irish. When she used to talk to me about London in the 60s and 70s, I was shocked to hear her experience of racism; tough times as a migrant, with a focus on difference. She told me of signs reading ‘No blacks, no Irish” by the pubs. But I wonder, what is really better now? Many societies are so fractured.
Are we getting any closer to understanding one another? There is all this talk of diversity and inclusion. It’s gone on for decades. But is it really working? Countless times it’s that drawing attention to what is different that makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
My personal perspective is this. I’m British, British born and a woman of colour. There it is, right there. Skin colour. “You must have a sari?” “I can’t believe that you don’t watch Bollywood films!” “Why can’t you speak Hindi?” Many people will make assumptions about your background. They will even tell you about your culture. Some will revert to stereotypes. Others make generalisations, talk of ‘Africans’ or ‘Asians’. Some of it is even ‘well meaning’. There might be theories to back up their ideas. But those theories don’t make me feel better as I’m told about difference. Maybe I don’t want to be made to feel different. Sometimes you just want to feel the same. A fellow human being.
Some years ago I had an Emirati friend. I tutored her son in their home. She didn’t work. She wore Abaya. There were cultural differences between us. But we talked of travel. Of course we both wanted her son to succeed in his exam, which he did. And we both liked a bit of pampering. On one of our last days before moving from the U.A.E, she took me to a salon for henna. I picked out a small design for one ankle but she insisted that I went for “the full works Miss Maggie”, with both arms and both legs covered in intricate henna decoration. There were differences between us. But we sought similarities to become friends.
I wonder might we begin to look for similarities between people first? We are currently based in a rural community in Central Italy. No one has ever pressed me on difference. We were a source of interest when we got here; British, just relocated from Indonesia to the Italian countryside. But no-one has chosen to make difference the focal point. We talk with all of our neighbours in our local hamlet. We’ve been invited into their homes. We’ve bridged small, cultural differences through common ground, a love of food and wine. Shared treats. Food parcels. Honey. Cherry wine, Nocino, Biscotti.
I’m not for one second undermining efforts to bridge cultural gaps. I’ve championed it in the past, working to establish a cultural equality group that celebrated the diversity in a college where I worked. But 20 yrs on, I think there are many things we could have done differently.
Maybe it’s time to think about difference differently. Difference immediately presents a gulf, a division, which kind of flies in the face of building cultural understanding and togetherness.
Let’s look for what binds us, not what sets us apart. We are one race. We live, breathe, love the same. Maybe its time to consider our connections instead of the default setting, discussing differences. I’ll say it again because I believe it to be true. From my perspective, we all have more similarities than differences.