Backstory
“Travel As much as you can. As far as you can. As long as you can.
Life’s not meant to be lived in one place”
My first job was in a film studio was when I was 15. I spent 13 years after that working in media industries, before moving into Film Education. I’ve taught ideas around backstory countless times. And yet here I am sitting here, thinking about my own backstory for the very first time. What are the set of events, which have been leading up to this point, in the story of my life? (so far)
Earlier in the year, I wrote an article for a film magazine in London. An extract…
“Kamala Harris was born to immigrant parents, both academics. My parents were immigrants too. They lived in different countries before they settled in the U.K. A few years later I was born, a British citizen, with the expectation that I would be an achiever. My father repeatedly told me to “got for it”. Nothing was impossible. My mother would say to me “shoot for the stars”. Settling for ordinary was never an option…Kamala Harris and her family are a good example of a different immigrant tale, one not dis-similar to my own, of migrant parents who worked hard, made a positive contribution to the country that they moved to and encouraged their kids to make something of their lives.”
My parents moved a lot. When they moved to London, they bought this this house, a Victorian semi detached house in Wimbledon, a special part of South West London to grow up. My story starts here.
They bought this house when I was toddler, and then a second home in Somerset, when I was about 16. They spent time away, to be near my sister. I was left in the family home in London. You can imagine! Sure there were parties; 16 and ‘home alone’. But more than anything, I got on with working towards A’ levels and holding down a couple of part time jobs. The experience of being left to look after myself instilled confidence.
After uni, now working back in London, I bought a flat back in Wimbledon, a few miles away from my parents. Some years later they moved away again, this time to retire. I took stock of my own life and knew that I wanted so much more than life in London and all that was familiar. The following year PKP and I moved to Zambia, to work as Teacher Trainers in a rural teachers college. A year or two after that, my parents announced plans to move to Spain. They kept ‘looking out’, being open to new possibilities and new places, right into their 80s. I hope we’ll continue to be the same.
I saw something on social media this week, that said ‘an average person lives in 11 homes in their lifetime. What’s your number?’ It took a bit of thinking about, but I counted 21 homes, not including ‘stop gaps’ (those temporary homes, times staying with friends between contracts and months in hotel apartments). 21 big moves.
What’s your number?
PKP and I have made 11 moves together in the last 20 years. Most were international ones. It’s probably a very typical expat tale.
My parents worked together to build a better life for themselves in different countries. We have done the same, many times over. They showed me that life doesn’t need to be lived in one place.
Who or what motivated you to move to another country?
© Maggie M / Mother City Time
7 – but 2 were short term. Anyone who knows me knows I am not a big traveller and was definitely born without a wanderlust gene despite both my parents and grandparents being big globetrotters. Somehow that genetic trait skipped me! Interestingly, out of everyone I know I have wandered least from my place of birth having settled around 10 miles from where I was brought up in Wimbledon! However, I like to think there are other ways to experience the benefits of travel and can very much relate to the interesting tales of my wandering friends. I like to take ‘travel’ in it’s broadest sense and my life experience has brought me plenty of that! My experiences of raising both an autistic child and another son who wants to be a ballet dancer have taken me to unusual and unfamiliar places far outside the realms of my friends and peers… I have trodden these paths like the intrepid explorer – with interest and curiosity – fully immersing myself in the unfamiliar culture despite the language barriers (literally in the case of autism!) until it becomes familiar and feels more like ‘home’. Also like my ex-pat friends there have been many ignorant comments from friends and family, a lot too offensive to mention here, over decisions we have made in supporting our children in who they are. Judgement seems to come thick and fast when you choose to walk an unusual path! Sometimes my ‘journeys’ have been difficult and stressful, sometimes frustrating and sometimes lonely but it has also been an immense privilege. Just like the worldy traveller, both these journey’s have led to me meeting some incredibly interesting and unusual people, given me experiences (both professionally and personally) that I would never have dreamed of having, led me on some unique adventures and afforded me an insight into two very different cultures that I didn’t know before. They have certainly led to me never making any judgements or comparisons on the life choices of another! Despite it’s physical sphere being very small I don’t consider myself to have spent my life in one place – far from it and I wouldn’t change my experience of ‘travelling’ for the world! Xxx
Ceri, you have experienced so much and overcome many challenges. Unlike us, you didn’t move homes much. I can remember you saying to me years ago “I’ll go out of this house (Woking) in a box”, though you did move after that. In many ways, growing up in a town like Wimbledon, with it’s close proximity to Central London, brought the world to us, through events like Notting Hill Carnival and so many festivals. Your experiences of raising an autistic child and another son who wants to be a ballet dancer, will have given you exposure to people and places that many will have no understanding of. The relationship that you enjoy with your sons now, is testimony to the love and support that they received from their parents. As for ignorant comments from friends and family, we hear you! Funny how it is often so easy for others to be dismissive over decisions we make in our lives. As you say “judgement comes thick and fast, when you choose to follow an unusual path”. As we always say to each other, “we don’t want ordinary!” It sounds like you haven’t always felt supported and I’m sorry to hear that. I hope that you can surround yourself by people who get you and your choices. We relate to what you say about the journeys being difficult and stressful, but also an immense privilege. It’s a word that we have come to use a lot, especially when we talk about our years in Zambia, South Africa and Kenya. It’s hard sometimes to get some to understand that privilege. Some will explain it all away as “third world”. Ceri, keep living life on your terms. Afford a wide berth to those who don’t get it. And when our world gets back to some kind of normal, we hope you will come and visit these wandering friends. You will be very welcome and we will have belated celebrations for your big birthday (some of our theatres and cinemas are re-opening this month) Thank you so much for your comment, Ceri. Keep enjoying Mother City Time.